I cannot believe we have had you for almost 3 years. You have turned out to be a delightful addition to the family. Granted, I was a little hesitant at first because of your somewhat questionable background and parentage, but you have been a true case for nurture over nature because you are so very sweet yet you LOOK kind of scary so you are perfect.
I just wanted to go over a couple of things, more as reminders really.
- My bed is a queen sized bed. There is more than enough room for you and I both to sleep in it, without your ass being in my face throughout the night.
- You are not a little puppy anymore. Please keep that in mind when you are crawling all over us on the couch. You are big and heavy.
- Traditionally when playing catch the catcher brings the item that has been caught back to the thrower, and deposits it before them. Anything else is not catch; it is tug-o-war.
- HEY, you have discovered your penis! Good for you. I am no prude but maybe we could set aside a time and place for self-discovery that is not in the middle of the kitchen while we are eating dinner.
- That big box filled with a gravely like substance does not contain special chewy surprises for you. That is cat poop. Please don’t eat it and if you MUST, please don’t feel the need to remove it from the box and eat it in the living room.
- The space outside the home you live is called outside. That is where you pee and poop and leap through the grass like a gazelle. It is not, however, Stick-Mart. It does not exist for you to choose which stick you will bring inside and chew and leave remnants all over the house.
- You are not a goat. You are a dog. Toilet paper, toilet paper rolls, razor blades, q-tips, and plastic yogurt containers are not food.
- Sometimes the answer to ‘who farted’ is not you. I’m sorry you get the blame most of the time.
- The cat is a member of the family too. He is not there solely for your entertainment, and I am sure he will continue to remind you as well, though my way is less painful than skewering you with razor sharp claws.
- I don’t like to sleep in the wet spot. If you INSIST on licking the sheet then you have to sleep on it.
I hope you’ll be around for many more years. You are the smartest dumb dog ever and we all love you.