I greatly admire the fact that Oprah came from humble beginnings, and she really has succeeded spectacularly. I think she is probably cool in a very un-cool way, like back when she had a talk show and she sang her own theme song that one year, that was neat, and I can see maybe going to Zumba class with her and Gayle one day and then grabbing a smoothie afterwards, but not really wanting to hang out too much after that because I imagine she would be really into herself and refer to herself in the third person and say things like “Oprah would enjoy shopping for a Coach bag right now” which is another part of the problem I have with her. I mean, an entire magazine devoted to what she thinks and what she buys and what she’s reading and eating? And she’s on the cover every month? I would have loved to have been in a meeting when this idea was being tossed around. “So, here’s the thing. I want it to be about ME. All ME. All the time. And I want to be on the cover, just sitting around looking and being fabulously ME.”
Also, she introduced all of us to the self-help book The Secret, which was based on the film by the same name, which is also known as “the law of attraction”. This is from the Wikipedia site for The Secret -
The tenet of the film and book is that the universe is governed by a natural law called the law of attraction which is said to work by attracting into a person’s life the experiences, situations, events, and people that “match the frequency” of the person’s thoughts and feelings. Therefore, positive thinking and feeling positive are claimed to create life-changing results such as increased wealth, health, and happiness
I have read The Secret and it is such a nice idea and I do think positive thinking in the grand scheme of things is better than negative thinking, but I just have a hard time buying into this kind of thinking on the whole, and honestly, I feel like Oprah doesn’t even buy into it. Which brings me to my other issue with her. She has honed her image as someone who is very self-aware and very much into thinking positively, and that is awesome, but she also promotes this idea of spending your way to true happiness.
Almost every year since 2002, Oprah has compiled a list of her favorite things and calls the list, cleverly enough, ”Oprah’s Favorite Things.” The list comes out before the holidays and is made up of items that are noteworthy or that Oprah thinks would make great gifts. When her show was on the air, she would unveil the list and everyone in attendance received one of everything on the list, which is pretty awesome. The list ITSELF, though, borders on ridiculous. Sure, Oprah, my sister would love that box of nail polish for – GADZOOKS $168! And my mom would be thrilled to get those Gemvara Naked Cushion earrings for a mere $1109! YIKES.
This same kind of totally out of touch with all except a small minority of people who make a lot of money and/or have a lot of money to spend thinking brings me to Gwyneth Paltrow. My goodness….the rarefied air that woman breathes must be HEAVENLY. Take a stroll through her website GOOP for some admittedly lovely words about various topics, but also, for some cray cray expensive shit that nobody I know can afford.
Both Oprah and Gwyneth seem utterly humorless, especially if Gwyneth wrote these oh so fabulous and useful tips for other “working mums” like herself, with a straight face. Unless her tongue was planted firmly in her cheek (it wasn’t) then this is one of the most accidentally hilarious things I have ever read -
- Have a personal trainer come to your house, preferably on Mondays. This will be great motivation for working out the rest of the week.
- Have a weekly blow-out. This means that you don’t need to wash your hair each day and can save time in the morning.
- Get an amazing assistant.
- Condense your spa appointments. For example, JB has a salon she goes to at the end of the day to have a facial, manicure, and pedicure at the EXACT same time. She’s in and out in 70 minutes.
- Get seven hours of uninterrupted sleep a night
- Get a fishmonger who delivers. This way you can always have fish in the house and can be prepared in case you need to whip up a quick fish dinner.
I KNOW, RIGHT!? Oh my sides hurt from laughing. I can’t even begin to rip this apart, but unless you are Gwyneth herself, or another 1%er, you don’t need me to point out the laughably unrealistic poop on this list. I mean, what even IS a fishmonger? And SPA APPOINTMENTS!??? OH Gwynnie…stop. Just. Stop.